So how do Hubby and I cope with the loss of Kai? We never stop talking about him number one. He is mentioned at least once every day. Weather we are talking about something he did or liked or just saying his name. We still own his little pickup and drive it every now and then. We don’t need it by any means but it will stay in the family forever. I kept his room intact for the first two years so I could sit in there and cry or just sit. Then, I finally decided after noticing the dust and cobwebs it was time to let the room go. It went from black and gray walls to white and peach. He would have hated the colors, but hey, he left me so it’s peach. Right next to his room though, is his graduation picture in poster size, his skate board, and a suitcase full of everything from his funeral that he is sitting on in his graduation picture. It’s a neat set up and I enjoy looking at it.
Hubby and I “adopted” countless friends’ children practically as our own. They are all so gracious to share their babies and grandbabies with us. We they are all welcome to hang out at our home any time. And they do which makes us so happy. To hear laughter come from the TV room in the basement fills my heart with so much joy. Or they just hang out with us at the dining table and visit. The fact they are all so comfortable being here they will raid the fridge or spend the night keeps us going every day. Two particular girls that we were made God Parents to (not officially) but I am their Fairy Godmother and Hubby is Theeeee Godfather. We love these girls as if they are our own and love every minute they spend with us. They drag all their friends here to hang out and have fun. These are some of the things that keep us going.
Of course, thank God I have Sunshine and Princess! They have both been hit real hard by the loss of Kai. Princess’s hubby has struggles also. Princess and her Prince were the first to arrive when I found Kai. Sunshine was away at college so it had been a while since she had seen Kai.These girls are my glue to this world, no doubt, I keep going for them and hubby. I feel they need me as their mom and I love them both so much. Princess and I had many months after Kai of sitting and having morning coffee and tears. Sunshine went back to college afterwards then moved back to our little village. The village is just a pit stop in her life plan to travel and work abroad. For a couple of years she worked at a mental health facility and she actually liked the job and what she was doing for people. Sunshine experienced so much of the pain many of them were struggling with, however, she had to end that chapter and start a new one. I’m so grateful Sunshine and Princess will allow me to be mom and ask my advice or listen to my unsolicited advice. One will tell me she knows what she’s doing so don’t worry about it and the other pretends to take my unsolicited advice as the gospel and moves on. I love and live for these two.
I feel sad for anyone who has lost someone so dear to them and do not have a support system. I rely on so many people to keep me together. I feel so loved by them all, I am grateful Hubby and I managed to stay together through all this. Therapy changed it all for me, I started out pretty angry after Kai, so therapy changed everything for me. So, how do we cope? By surrounding ourselves with the people we love and that love us in return. Thank God for each and every single one of them. The hole Kai left in my heart is still there but it’s surrounded by loved ones.