2020 Kai would have turned 25 years old on May 14 as his aunt would have turned 50 on the same day. This is our seventh year without him. I think about what would be if he were still here, college, marriage, children, all things that should be. There have been many women added to the grieving mothers club since I became one.
Seven years, unbelievable to us. Yes time has definitely made it easier to face each day without our son. He is here with us everyday though, pictures, my Kai bear, little reminders of him in each room of the house, even our vehicles. I still have triggers that rush back of that day, small silly things that bring it rushing back, I have learned to chase the clouds away when it happens thank heavens for therapy that gave me these tools. The mornings were the hardest for a long time as it was morning when I found him.
We are so thankful for our family and friends to this day. We couldn’t imagine trying to move on without them. Hubby and I have changed so much in the past years, all for the better I think. Many couples do not survive such a tragedy and loss, we are very determined people for sure. We have struggles for sure, fought the good fight as any couple does, but the care, love, and concern we have for each other prevails.
It has been so long since I last blogged due to the fact that I was thinking I was leading up to having to talk about the day I found my son. Then in the recent passing of one of Kais pallbearers brought to light how much more I can talk about. All I want to do is try to help any grieving mother or family that may have experiences like we did. When you have questions or struggles and don’t know what to do, that’s what I want to be there for. I don’t have the answers for sure, but I do have the experiences of the struggles of a sad and suicidal teenager.
So here we go, on to year eight.